the ugly redhead just came into the bar, wearing a sombrero...by herself... who is going to tell her that its not cool to throw themed parties when you're the only guest?
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
I got inside last night via doggy door
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
So when he asked me to go on a date tonight, I didn't think the words "have you tried a suppository" would be part of the evening.
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
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