having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
Transgendered man at work dawning a slutty batman costume. I hate Halloween
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
He just stared into my eyes and touched himself. That isn't hooking up.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
were facing impending death from north korea and were sitting here snorting tylenol to get high.....where did our lives go wrong?
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Today I found out that my boss keeps a breathalyzer on his desk for just these sort of shenanigans
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
