I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
we bought a duck. we're keeping him in our dorm room. don't ever try to tell me you've had a better freshman year than me.
They can't keep moving my court date back, i dont know if I'll survive another one of these going away to jail parties.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
HIS DICK IS SO AWESOME DUDE. 15/10 SURPRISE
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
WHY THE FUCK DOES RICKY'S BROTHER GET AN ENTIRE POT OF PASTA FOR BEING SHIRTLESS AND ALL I GET IS ARRESTED?!
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