Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
Talking to friends parents while buying all the things needed for Jell-O shots. classic
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
What do you do when you legitimately find a hidden sex dungeon in your parents basement next to your bedroom!!?
Randomize
