I was watching truelife I'm transgendered. This tranny already got a date a week after getting a vagina. I've had a vagina my entire life and can't get a date.
OMG stoned with flashing lights behind me, I was freaking out until I realized I wasn't driving my couch
my stepmom is let-the-dog-eat-out-of-her-mouth drunk. oh my god.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
It's really sad that I'm trying to calculate in my head the type of place to have dinner that's worth anal
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Eight drinks in. Subject is fondling chips before eating them. Intoxicated texting has expanded from best friend to random guy I met in FBLA.
I really feel like I should slow down on the getting hammered. I told a bartender on "Taco Tuesday" that a $3 margarita was too expensive. And proceeded to have a $70 tab.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I forgot wine drunk hurts
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Randomize
