So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
I want to drop kick Stephanie Meyer
you spelled her name wrong
not you too!!
the first call I got in the morning was from visa fraud prevention so yeah it was one of those nights
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
Hey I'm at the gym and I need your personal trainer help. Also can you send me that picture of me eating a sausage. I want to post it on instgram.
This is bullshit, I shit my pants for the 1st time in 30 years, stuck on the 405, fuck this shit.
Depends
You know, normal sex stuff involves shitting your pants. If you do it right.
Randomize
