I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
i just funneled a beer through a mask n snorkel.. can you check that off my bucket list..
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Note to self: if you decide to go to the gym when you're coming down from your day high to shoot some hoops, do NOT play pickup basketball with the big black dudes who need a sixth
my life could not get any worse. just saw my sister in a porno
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
Hey, it's Valentine's Day weekend and were single and off our periods. Let's live like queens.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Randomize
