I changed my tire completely alone.. I could totally win survivor
Its my greatest physical accomplishment
the ***** family is living proof that there are no more lifeguards in the humen gene pool
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
Lil wasted at a baby shower. Here's to beating teen pregnancy BOTTOMS UP
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
I thought he was having it in Athens. Alright. Have fun. Please save my dignity and refrain from talking about my boobs and sexual "abilities". If I have any. I just feel like they are going to ask. Repeat after me. And repeat it 5 more times. This is going to be the phrase you're going to rely on tonight: "I can neither deny or confirm such actions."
I flashed the bar tender last night. Apparently I wanted a whiskey to go and that was the golden ticket. This is why I never come home
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
If you think I'm going to drive 5.5 hours just to bang a guy, you'd be absolutely right.
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