she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
We tried to break her futon, I crushed my balls instead. You have one less reason to be jealous that my balls are insanely huge and yours are not.
Fyi: beer caps are stronger then bathroom counters
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
My new dealer is 16. I have been getting high longer than he has been alive.
I don't see the problem
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
I met someone else! And I had a wonderful orgasm! And he wants to see me again, like take me out!
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
