she was wearing a cheetah print one-piece and i slept with her anyway. big mistake.
I'm at some bar in brklyn... just made out with a guy named Owen.
He is a pre-school teacher... just sang me a song about weather.
the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
please tell me we weren't that bad as freshmen
i can't, we're worse now
He actually just looked up and said I'm gonna cum in my pants. and he did. no shame.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
It was an all night sausage fest and I was the lady of honor.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
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