Just got booted from water taxi for showing my balls to a security guard.
Just pulled my keys, cell-phone and a pack of cigarettes out from between my cleavage. This one guy's face was priceless.
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
Would be in best interest to sanitize the DVDs
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
It was inevitable. It was like I was a caterpillar and now I'm a drunk and high butterfly
No,she came up with a new game: "Where is the most interesting place I can show Drew my asshole?"
worse hangover than the time you almost threw up in a plant in front of your daycare kids?
...I don't remember telling you about that but yes
some kid just came up 2 me bleeding yelling "thats how u riot"
Randomize
