we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Your sister got a Brazilian yesterday. It looks great
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Drunk me is basically the Oprah of nudes. Everyone gets one.
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
I need an honest answer, no judgements. Would it make me a bad person if I fucked the other twin?
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
He burst in the bathroom while I was peeing to hand me my beer I was looking for earlier tht night. And my pants were already down so I thought why not
The air taste purple.
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