It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
when i was 16 reading the aftercare instructions at the piercing place i wondered why they would ever think to warn me about getting semen in my bellybutton
then i met college
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
Um please remind me to tell you what happened tonight. It involves wine, pain killers and firing a handgun in our apartment. Legit might be hiding from the cops this weekend.
We woke up at 7:30am. We got a 30 rack, yelled at all the freshman shackers walkin back to their dorms, played a game of beer die, and boned all before 11:00am. I found my soulmate
Oh my goodness please please please my inner slut needs some pampering, shes getting rusty and nothings worse than a rusty slut
I think mark twain said that originally
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
I'm sending midget strippers dressed as bull fighters with mini bottles of 1800 to your house. Already made the call. Jer is going halves on it. Can't be stopped! Won't be stopped!
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
What's the world record for number of orgasms reached on ones birthday? Asking for a friend.
Randomize
