marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
Cockoligist
Yes, one may refer to me as that.
I should make business cards.
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
I wanna snuggle with you as we feed each other chipotle burrito bowls and that's just where I'm at right now
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