he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
Also I'm 95 percent positive we ate food naked together
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
and a jello shot exploded in my bra last night. Now I have blueberry smurfette boobs. Awesome.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
Goddamn you thin people LEAVE FOOD FOR THE BIGGER DRUNKARDS WHO NEED IT
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
Looks like I'm not in the Ashly Madison files. But my wife is.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
So what if is hockey, you don’t turn down sex with a professional athlete. They work out all day and have amazing stamina. Your vagina will thank you!
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