did you hook up austin?
No! he threw up in my bathroom, made me wake up and order him jimmy johns, beat my roommate with a macaroni and cheese box, and then passed out with her in her bed
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
We dont have to go to dinner or anything gay like that. I just wanna do it.
I absolutely love you.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
He just sent me the contact information about getting the Zebra for graduation...
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
There's a kitten on my face and I'm druuuunk
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
Randomize
