i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
why are there post-it notes all around the apartment labeled where you guys had sex and in what position
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
My mom opened up my bank statement today....my first alcohol intervention class is at 7:30am tomorrow.
I'll have party bus drop you off in the morning.
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
Please keep in mind you are asking relationship advice from a girl who fucked a guy just because we have the same name. Just keep that in mind.
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
I wouldn't know what to do. You never really mentally prepare for a cactus getting thrown at your face.
Let's be honest, I'm cooking chicken nuggets in my Helm jersey and underwear who has their life more together than me?
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
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