is it cool if i come over and use your computer?
what happened to yours?
i got a little to drunk last night and threw up on it...then i tried to wash it off under the sink.
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
All I remember about walking back home was that I maced my shadow.
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
you had acid sex with the barista. why is my bucket list your tuesday?
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
Randomize
