hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
so hey instead of everyone buying me a birthday present can everyone just pitch in for my abortion?
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
What is a reasonable amount of condoms to keep in my condom wallet without it being creepy that I have too many?
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
I knew I was rolling hard when I realized I had been rubbing the couch for an hour
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He came on my pillow pet. That's unacceptable. I hate boys.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
So your telling me I can lick your ass but you CAN'T spend my money
I just found an entire bag of French fries under the seat of my car labeled "For emergency use only" drunk me is always planning ahead.
Randomize
