dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
WHO ATE OUR COOKIES WHAT THE FUCK THOSE WERE GOURMET
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
RIGHT?!?! I'M ACTUALLY UPSET I DON'T GET TO MAKE THE 2.3 MILE TREK TO SUCK HIS COCK, yes I google earthed it.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
In sex ed. they really need to include a lesson on saying tampon in foreign languages, just in case.... Trying to ask the woman at the reception desk, who barely speaks English, for one just turned into an awkward game of charades.
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
HIS BALLS ARE HEAVEN SENT FROM THE VELVET ANGLES.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
I'm so hung over that I just tried to send you a screen shot of the cracked screen on my phone.
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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