Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
He confessed to putting dry erase marker dots on my vibrator to keep track of when I "electronically cheated" and then passed out.
Its not really a relationship, its more of a sex for booze program.
Noooo. I told you she WAS a cancer. Not that she HAS cancer. This was the one time being a doctor didnt get you laid you alcoholic bastard
I have a fannypack full of condoms and acid. Let's get weird.
Ps I just used the "If you give a mouse a cookie" defense in a real life situation. Suck it
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Why put me through the conflicting battle of being happy for your vagina but sad for my vagina for no reason ahole
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Death by dick. An honorable death. Put a picture of his dick in the photo collage at my funeral.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
He makes me want to cheat on my other 3 boyfriends..
Randomize
