why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
you wouldn't come out from under your bed because you said there were six-armed bears everywhere.
ohhh that explains the pepperonis I found in my sock drawer this morning...
no it doesn't.
I was trying not to text you this weekend, so I deleted your number when I was sober. Then auto restore at midnight. It was like drunk magic
who paints a picture of their own dick and sends it to people. i dont know if its borderline crazy or just fucking genius...
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
The bar has bullet holes in the ceiling, and the country singer had been playing drunken weezer covers. A man just bought me a beer on the grounds that I 'have his back' in a fist fight with a stranger texan. And, yes, the bartender is wearing a sherif's badge
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
He just didn't want his drunk dick pulled out of his windbreaker at the family party
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
he offered to let me fuck his brother , of course im marrying him
Randomize
