What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
did I really admit that id have sex with that cougar had I been more drunk?...ugh...i need to masterbate more
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
dude it was like an art museum there were boobs everywhere
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
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