we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
It was the gentlest way I could hit on a girl who just got hit by a car
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I don't care what we do tonight, as long as it makes me forget that my boyfriend just told me he likes taking it up the ass from big guys dressed as construction workers
A gay black guy with blonde hair and a gold tooth just told me he would shit on my face.
Now it's a party.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
The only thing I'm asking santa for is my period.
And vodka?
And vodka.
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
