Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
That bad?
Full length cargo pants, running shoes, and a partial unibrow. Alcohol really is blinding.
every time i recognize a doctor or patient at the hospital on this rotation, i just pray it's not from my blackout saturday makeout slut moments...professionalism shouldn't count on weekends
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Lesson learned. Never get fingered on an airplane.
going to a night class in lingerie so i can quickly go to his house after.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
i wish i could put you in a lil box, and keep you for when i need to be blown
Randomize
