: south campus drug res life name erik. Love, tran
Let's make jello shots for tomorrow
What's going on tomorrow?
Nothing, it's Wednesday
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
FYI : beer farts in the morning chase women right out of bed!
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Yes i believe i did use that word. It culminated in a man wearing a corset thigh highs and stripper shoes. All mine btw.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
Today's goal is to get out of bed, before I take a shit. This might be hard
Pass or fail tho
You were upset that she was flirting with your boyfriend so I thought the best game plan was to show her my boobs and get her to make out with me instead. I am the greatest friend on absinthe.
Now in listening to Jerome Bettis speak at the hall of fame and my boner just started twirling a terrible towel
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
