he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
Welp...herpes.
If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
then she woke up from sleeping for an hour and the first thing she said was "i regret it already"
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
Well I tried to steal a golf cart. I fought with the Chick-Fil-A cow. And other things.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
Did you fuck him in my garden last night?
That WOULD explain the dirt in my vagina
Didn't have the heart to tell him that while he was eating my ass I was laughing, not moaning, into the pillow
You were petting your bowl of cocoa puffs and shushing it softly while staring at the mirror
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
Randomize
