I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Slutty summer 2013 has officially started. I did accidentally bite a dick though.
Don't stress. That was a joke. I'd trust my pets with no one else. Accidents happen. Sometimes things go smoothly when you help a neighbor out and sometimes you electrocute their fish. Life is funny that way.
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
He could only go twice. I need a guy with more stamina and is less married
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
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