Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
is it bad that the first thing i do when i get downstairs is go on farm town?
She wrote me a poem titled "Penis Flower" and it wasnt a joke
In retrospect - making it rain salt all over our kitchen was not one of my best ideas.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
I've decided I'm peeing in a solo cup then throwing it on his windshield. It's official. He called the cops 4 times in our first week at the house. He deserves it, right?
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Sorry, It's like OkCupid Olympics... categories: best sext, best dick pic, and most effort by ugly. You won gold in the last event if that makes you feel better.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
He stole me a cantaloupe and we drunkenly broke into a park and ate it on a bench with my pocket knife. I think i need to marry him
Im selling my dirty underwear to pay for that cruise. NO JUDGEMENT . I love you lol ❤❤ also dont tell anyone
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
