I'm sorry my penis didn't work
I only have two rules. But i've fotgotten those rules and replaced them w 2 other rules
i'm touring the leper colony via mapquest street view so we dont have to go there
I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
i decided not to call her again when she started singing "goodbye my lover" as i was walking out the door..
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
The coffee from our coffee maker just hasn't tasted normal since we made Mac n cheese in it that one time....
Did you really just use your nipple as a unit of measurement?
Taco Bell. She just parked, got out of the car mid drive-thru, ran to the dumpsters, pissed, then ran back and drove up in the line.
You told me I couldn't make out with you until I added you on LinkedIn
She said she wanted you to slurp her vagina like a spaghetti noodle.
Do you think if I had a tempurpedic bed he would still be able to feel me fingering myself after we have sex?
Soooooooo high. David tried to rinse the water droplets out of the sink for 5 minutes
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
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