I'm at his house. He has VELCRO shoes. I'm too desperate to leave...I may need help in thee life dept
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
All I remember is passing out with an umbrella over my head and waking up screaming bad luck for seven years
You know this who 'I show my love by being a total dick' thing is getting old, right?
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
I'm gonna buy my dress an hour before wedding. You know, just to make sure it's gonna really happen.
T'would be a shame to waste that open bar though. They shouldn't do that to us. We've been having to pretend we're happy for two people who got engaged a week after they met.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
Good news, finally found someone who remembers Saturday night. Bad news, everyone in the bar saw your penis
Vagina status: the swelling is going down.
You know you've hit a new slutty low when you're simultaneously sexting and having a tea party with a 4 year old
Randomize
