she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
They were lying down in the parking garage pretending to be speed bumps...
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
WHY does every guy I sleep with want to fix my car?!
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
You said the best orgasm you ever had, you gave to yourself. your boyfriend looked really disappointed. so did half the room.
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
Randomize
