He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just made friends with the guy at the coffee shop in borders. And by that I mean he stared at me until I was uncomfortable and left.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Do you know anything about the Easter basket sitting on my doorstep filled with porn and peeps?
I've thrown up twice at work. Just casually, in the mop sink. Then continued to make someone a milkshake. Want some ice cream?
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
Just woke up. Naked. Under an animal pelt. With a girl. I've never met her. She's pretty naked too.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Randomize
