I'm in a room alone pouting because I got the wrong nachos at taco bell.
So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
they're scary. like turkeys that ate nuclear fucking steroids.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
There are six slides. In going to pee in five of them. You have to guess which one to go down. Agree?
Agreed.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Dude, I lost my shirt, and my doorknob is gone. I'm not sure which I should find first
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
watched my neighbor eat five yodels, mow his lawn, and then cry on his porch after the party... what did you give him?
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
You should of known that i was high if i refer to myself as melting into anything
All I’ve had today is sex and water. I think it’s time for tacos.
Taking one of the loudest shits ever at work and I have to say...I'm having a better time than I thought I would
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