one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
SURVIVED FINALS. CAN'T DIE FROM ALCOHOL POISONING. NOTHER SHOT. CAPS.
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Come in your red robin gear. If you smell like French fries we can make love.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
The air taste purple.
Randomize
