i was drunk at family dinner telling about my gay brothers sex ads on criags list
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
i googled "the goonies drinking game." i may be alone, but i'm living the college dream.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
this is no time to have dignity 4/20 is coming
Out of ice. Vodka+club soda+cut up lime popscicle=I'm an alcoholic genius.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
she was concerned about my dick piercings.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
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