Do you still have your period?
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
you both peed in the photobooth after the pictures were taken.
They drank shots out of my cleavage. Surprisingly, the one who did the best was a gay guy.
I've said it before and I'll say it again: your tits are a danger to gay men everywhere.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
wearing my old cheerleader outfit to the bar was a great way to get free drinks. i should do this more often
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
I woke up with a bunch of jolly ranchers and an eight ball in my purse. Successful
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude she passed out on the floor so you covered her with a blanket to make sure "no one would notice her"
And when she started moving around and making noises you told everyone, "it's okay, it's just my roomba under there".......
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