I'm being pulled over???
For what!?!?!
??? I'm in a cab!!!!!
I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
Randomize
