1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
The girl who overdosed in the bathroom at work is back....help?
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
I'm concerned I'll look like a hooker on new years eve in this outfit
There are different standards on new years eve. To look like a hooker you literally need to be giving a guy head on the street while he's handing you cash.
I want you to come over here and spit coffee in my mouth like a momma bird feeding a baby bird. That hung over.
Walking down the street, Bro bumping to 'still' by dre. Dropped his trash on the ground and aggressively sped up when his light turned green. If you still had love for the streets you wouldn't of fucking littered. Took everything for me not to yell at him. I know you would've.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
like when you break up with someone your virginity slowly starts to grow back & when it's done it's like ding ding ding you're ready to date again
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
plus like he's kinda a piece of shit. a beautiful somewhat talented piece of shit that hella needs to get his life together
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
I may or may not be drunker than time right now.
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
