shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
I have demons in me.
You know, sometimes I seriously doubt your commitment to sparkle motion.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
the bank didn't screw up, i spent 150$ at mcdonalds last night
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Just got my first unemployment direct deposit!!!' celebrating at the beach
Me toooooo!! Margaritas
I never knew being a drain on a functioning society would feel so good
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
Randomize