So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
Long story short, the rash from your last birthday party told me not to go to this one.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
He rode a broom down the stairs while we were mattress surfing. Naked. Buck ass naked. WTF
Rub those nipples and moan like a platypus.
Jesus, are you hammered?
Hammered for that juicy ass. I'll bring the straws.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Putting Chia seeds in beer makes it ok for my diet, right?
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
I may have broke the toilet masturbating. On a positive note the floor is really clean now.
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
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