Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Dude my triple a card is good for bail. This is like a real live get out of jail free card
careful of the bathroom.... theres some drunken ninja turtles in there....
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
That accounts for only three of the penises
Sometimes I feel like I should become a beautician purely for my ability to shave pretty shapes into my pubic hair.
In all honesty the person most likely to secretly slip me drugs would be ... Me
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Actually just remembered that solo cup full of scotch that random guy gave me for not farting on him. That's probably why
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
Randomize
