I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
Beach body diet is off. Pizza hut worked its way back onto my google chrome top 8
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Beer coozy in the gym. Don't judge me.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
Yes stubble LOOKS hot but factor in his shitty bj skills and I might as well have jacked off with apricot scrub
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
MESSY REBOUND SEX HERE I COME! Time to start stretching to fit in my back seat again ...
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
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