Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
I think my vagina was keeping me fat all these years out of self preservation. It's like she knew what would happen if I lost the weight.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
We should probably go now, otherwise the whores will descend.
I've never seen an uncircumcised penis. I mean in person. I've clearly seen an uncircumcised penis. I have the google.
When he breaks your heart after he reveals he's gay, I'll be there for you. -Love, Dad
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I AM NOT LOSING TO SOME FICTIONAL CROSSDRESSER
They say find what you're good at... Evidently that's showing up late for everything, drinking, and eating cheese for me.
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
Randomize
