it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
Just so you know, coffee creamer+water does not = milk.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
thank you for tagging me in all my pictures as "skank" and yourself as "made by the hands of God"
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I almost shit my pants in anger over your moral sanity.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
The fact that we all screamed by Felicia to a bitch actually named Felicia will be a highlight of my life
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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