he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
There's a good chance a guy sucked off my right earring last night
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
DID YOU REALLY JUST GIVE ME A FIRST BASE SIGN
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
Like an undercooked grilled cheese that got cold again. But hairy.
And there goes my desire for sandwiches. Forever.
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
I planned to shave today but it's Friday the 13th I might cut something
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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