theres a dog humping me and im not going to stop it... i really need to get laid.
So the hot 23 year old i went home with last night is really 17 and was here for orientation.. i feel like a pedifile...
In that case, you should probably come up to the union, orientation is in full swing, your kind of guys ;)
cunt.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
there was a trapeze. enough said
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
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