onenightstand. Woke up and saw my nuva ring on the floor. apparently he thought it was a glow stick. pick me up please?
he didnt ask why there was a glowstick shoved up your vag?
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
you had sex with a 30 year old who doesn't have a cell phone but does have an 8 year old son.
he's 29.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
Boss out of town. Had 2 beers for lunch, a long walk and a bowl...and then in he comes. Blamed obvious intoxication on my pain meds. Back at the bar. This is one of those bad judgement days.
Sadly, she's the porn star that got away
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
The internet is out at West Chester so I'm masturbating using my imagination. What is this, the fucking dark ages?
nothing like a long car ride to make you think of all the bad things you've done
all i remember is arguing with the chick that yahoo was better than google
all you were doing was yelling YAHOOOOO in her face
so i won
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