He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
Pass out mid-funnel last night.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
I am a human short and spout . Here is my jager Herr is my redbull . When i get real drink i shout out. Tip me over and pour yeager out
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Shirtless guy staggering down the sidewalk, puking into a Prada shopping bag. Ahhh, the walk of shame in Boystown.
So the next three days will be henceforth known as the 'celebration of the end of the most irresponsible years of my life' be prepared to wake up naked in a ditch.
Pro tip: if you can avoid puking on your carpet, do so. Cleaning it up is absolutely no fun at all.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
Too high to wash a dish but just high enough for a kitchen fire
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