what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
There is no point in being painfully greyhound thin if you are then going to dress like it's raining in 1992.
successfully started a charcoal grill with 2 shots of everclear and some aluminum foil. i never wanna leave here
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
i spent my morning giving relationship advice to the kid i had sex with on a kitchen table this weekend
The words "me," "sober," and "new years eve" do not go together. Ever.
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
He really is. Owns his own house and has more than one towel!
Randomize
