Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
he had a TATTOO on his FACE. a tattoo on your face basically says "i've gone as far in society as i'd like to."
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I had a guy present me his prison release form this morning as id
Just face planted the stairs. Apparently Santa brought an extra step while I was at the bar... Fucking dick
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
Did you know they have a bouncer at Applebee's because I did not
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
Not to be hella graphic on main but I just came so hard I think I saw a new color.
Randomize
