Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
I wonder when walk of shame thursdays in the rain will finally make me stop drinking.
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up naked in this guys bed and the first thing I start saying is it's super bowl Sunday like I was yelling
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
I still have that dildo-suction bruise on my forehead and this sweater STILL smells like my Christmas Eve vomit.
Randomize