I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
vicodin is the reason why I believe in magic
My birth control alarm gets more depressing every night.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
she came back from her house with A paper cut , a 2liter of sprite with Bacardi , and half a mustache . we're inviting her more ofte
My sweat smells like Wild Turkey. I'm really feeling the holiday spirit.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
what could you have possibly accomplished by watching 6 hours of a mythbusters marathon
well, i added sex in a wind tunnel to my bucket list
I'm going to start talking to Bill again, he has friends with boats which means we'll get to go on boats.
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