are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
Michael Jackson had a heart attack when he found out boyz to men was a music group not a delivery service.
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
found my necklace. it was safe with all 6 boxes of peeps that i bought that night.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
I'm going to be drunk and braless all weekend. Let the festivities begin!
I've never wanted anyone to have herpes as I much as I want him to right now.
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
