I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
i wish i could just chop off my fat with a knife..i would rather endure that than work out
Most eventful shower ever. Jacked off, peed and puked in there.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
I'm still me, I just happen to have things in my porn library that you may not have expected
Only you would come out as bi like that
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
He complimented the perfect handprints you left on each of my ass cheeks.Thanks.
I was really hoping my 420 would involve a lot more weed and a lot less buttholes
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
