jackpot. dress really slutty so he knows you mean business
you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
how many days can you live off of Vicodin and frosty?? im going on 4 days......
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
Just living on dreams and a bed of used condoms
You come home the day the world is supposed to end. Well played Mayans.
You can't mix blow jobs, bacon, and Star Wars.
A) just did. And b-z) that sounds like a great Sunday morning.
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
The morning after your company Xmas party and that moment you're eating a block of cheese in bed wearing a sequin blazer and recalling all the details of your one night stand with a coworker who happened to start that day...fuck.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
Randomize
