Haven't eaten in 11 hrs. I am gonna have so much material to talk about with anorexic girls now
Seriously, I'm delusional. Idk how these models even walk on the runway
Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
she has an amazing ass but I need more beers to get past her horse face. It works out perfect becauseI can use her teeth as a bottle opener.
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Listen I know you hate her for what she did but this is getting our of hand. Please please tell me where you hid her wedding dress.
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Giiiirl. Just had a BM that almost killed me.
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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