Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
He has 250 profile pictures. Of course he was a douchebag
doing shots has become such a natural thing to me that i just instinctively swallowed listerine
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
You know that hot fire fighter I fucked yesterday? Well him and two other guys are killing the fire on my stove. Awkward.
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
Drinks appeared in front of me. Who am I to deny destiny? And by destiny, I mean free drinks, which appear by magic.
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
Im quite confident that my struggle with sobriety ended last night sometime after dinner
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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