idk, it's all black and i hear low talking...
dude, i think you're in initiation!
shit. that's not good.
I can actually hear my brain cells scream as they die when she speaks.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
You guys can't keep having sex with them and cleaning their house! They're never going to take you seriously!
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
I haven't been motivated enough for a shirt. And only half the day was bra-worthy.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Give me a reason to not spend the rest of my evening high watching dogs 101 videos
yeah she's crazy. she fought a possum in my alley because it was "being a cagey little cunt"
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
Would you by any chance know if there is a proper protocol for traveling with one's vibrator? I wouldn't want the TSA to rip open my suitcase in front of my boss.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
Randomize
