So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
I just crawled out of a second story window using a sheet and his clothes for a rope so he wouldn't wake up.
I am so glad I watched Macgyver as a kid.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
I just passed on expense account drinking, this must be the worst hangover ever.
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I had a girl last night tell me that she was happy to find a condom wrapper in my garbage because,and I quote, "well at least you're not raw dogging every slore that crosses your path"
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Honestly, it's his loss. He went for the free sample when he could've gotten the whole package, babes.
does that make me the free sample at the grocery store he didn't like enough to buy...? yeah, that advice didn't help, but thanks.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
