Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
Aparently i was the only guy at her parents bbq throwing up in the pool so Im the asshole right...
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
Yeahhh, apparently my brothers think its ok not to check on me if a creeper is talking to me bc i "like those weirdo types"
Honestly I'm so excited to go to bed I feel as if I don't deserve to be in my early twenties.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
I spent the whole ride asking the cabbie if people ever have sex back there, and if he wanted me to make that number one higher.
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
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