Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I'm pre-party power houring. It's so catchy I couldn't not do it
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
I'm not entirely sure what we did is legal in the U.S., but I know that couple wont be the same
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
As a fat white girl from Texas I can honestly say that she gave fat white girls from Texas a bad name.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
So nowhere in the dress code does it forbid me from showing up to City Hall in a gorilla suit to meet the mayor.
Amanda bynes is my spirit animal
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
I'm at a first year old's birthday party and a midget dressed as a cop just showed up. Word is we're going to toss and bowl with him. Updates to come.
Randomize
