Forgive me I'm always horny when I wake up
There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
There's a lady carrying her kids toy animals in a crown royal bag. Mom of the year.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
Indeed. The kind of morning where puking in someone's shoes is not frowned upon
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
In honor of today being Sunday I am day drinking and watching Grey's Anatomy all day. ALL DAY.
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
I'm so drunk I forgot what to do to go pee.
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