See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
Passive mediator is your role in this relationship. My role is dick punching arsonist
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I tried to order champagne at IHOP last night
I just forgot I was standing up.
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
Dear Ex-Sister-in-Law, I never thought I would say this, but I just found your panties in my back seat. Please remind me to give them back.
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