I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
That's where the buck stops? Buying girlfriends online? THAT is where you draw the line?!
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
He deserves someone who will touch his penis at 3 a.m.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
Randomize
