I met the friendliest cop last night
so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
make sure i look cute passed out on the couch.
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
How do you say "thats kinda illegal" in thai?
I don't think I've ever had this many people offer me blow before. 3 o'clock on a Thursday. I keep good company.
I need to stop acting like a porn star that isn't getting paid
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize
