apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
false alarm. still invincible.
He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
We took up a collection and paid her $50 to eat a piece of meat. Vegetarian morals trumped once again by cash.
how opposed are you to picking me up at the bar at 11:00am?
He just "revenge puked" on her kid. I think we'll be leaving soon.
It hits you later. Like when you wake up on the floor under a puzzle later.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
Election Day 2016 shall forever live in infamy as the day when I hobbled through my neighborhood, mascara melting down my face, wearing one slipper and a cast, blood and cum all over my skirt, carrying a box of wine, and no one even noticed.
He unliked all of my pictures on instagram, I don't know whats worse, the fact that he did it or the fact that I noticed..
You took your shirt off at the bar, handed it to a girl, and made her wash your dirty shirt on your washboard abs
tuesdays get the best of me...
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