It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
i don't care what she did to you. we are not having sex in front of your sister.
End of the semester and I banged 14 freshman. I'm like my own welcome to college orientation guide.
watchout when you come home, dougs at the top of the stairs naked eating doritos
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
We need to get her a baby shower present. And no, a blow up sex doll with her dead boyfriends picture stuck to it, is not appropriate.
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I just drove my booty call to his booty call, if that isn't spreading the love, I don't know what is.
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
I woke up on a different floor than I went to sleep on. Can't find my shoes.
And Mike keeps telling Will that love at first sight is true and this is just a shit show. Help.
I sent him a topless photo and he complimented my eyes. I'm not sure if I'm offended or pleasantly surprised.
This is a life or shit situation. Grab me toilet paper asap. This bathroom is fucking out. This is not a test. This an actual emergency and I am not joking.
Randomize