it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
he has a girlfriend so we used my stuffed animals to pretend to have sex
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
so I just asked a Chinese man and found out our tattoos actually mean vagina...
What kind of flower means "I want to have unprotected sex with you, preferably from behind?" because thats the message I'd really like to send on Valentines Day
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
No, i know about the eggs and penis, the oh wow was for the fire
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Dude, I just hit your nipple with a bottle of lube while you were wearing a shirt, 10 feet away without my glasses and I only have "not bad" aim?
You still owe me a blowjob for knowing more about hurricanes than you.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
You call it sex. I call it penis conditioning.
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