absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
he said my vag tasted like ravioli n pennies... i forgot I was on my period
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
I don't care if it's 2 inches or 20 I mean dick is dick
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
The highlight of my week is I found some hetero porn I didn't completely hate. Branching out.
Randomize
